But while they share common concerns, he also likely has distinct responses to an unplanned pregnancy as a man. Many men have been taught (since they were young) that it’s “her body, her choice” when it comes to an unplanned pregnancy. His role is to be quiet and support whatever she wants.

While legally that is true, emotionally it may not be what she wants. Often times, women want their partners to engage during the decision-making process.

This reality makes it tricky for many men. They’ve heard the culture’s stance that men have no voice in the pregnancy decision, and yet she doesn’t seem satisfied with his silence, even if it is a supportive silence.

So, men are left unsure what to say. Do they speak truth about their feelings, or do they stick to the slogans they’ve heard?

Hear this – it’s in these times, the moments when he doesn’t know what to say, that she may hear him the clearest. In this moment, his “silent but supportive” response feels heavy. It’s lonely. It feels like the full weight of the pregnancy is on her shoulders.

How do I know? Because I listen to women, too.

I’ve talked to a lot of pregnant women through the years. When he says, “I’ll support you in whatever you choose to do,” she tells me that means, “I’m in this all by myself.” Full weight – on her.

A lot of what she’s feeling, as well as his feelings about an unplanned pregnancy as a man, can be helped with two things: accurate information and honest conversations.

Yep, it really does boil down to those two things.

If you’re a man facing an unplanned pregnancy, you need to have accurate information to inform all of your conversations about the pregnancy. You need accurate answers to these medical questions about her pregnancy: Was her pregnancy test accurate? How far along is she? Is the pregnancy ectopic? Is the pregnancy viable?

You both also need an honest conversation about all pregnancy options: What would parenting look like for both of you? How would your relationship be after an abortion? Is adoption an option? Honest conversations allow you both to share your feelings about each option.

These conversations are hard and take time. They take vulnerability and the willingness to listen well and speak honestly & clearly. Unspoken thoughts, wishing you knew what the other was actually thinking, and wrong information often lead to future resentment and regrets. For both of you.

You may have never thought you’d face an unplanned pregnancy as a man. When it was just a thought – a possibility – you may have even thought you wouldn’t care what she did with the pregnancy. A possibility and a reality don’t always feel the same, though.

Here at Alcove Health, we provide medical services – including a lab-grade pregnancy test and an ultrasound – so you can both get accurate information. We also provide a safe space for both of you to have an honest conversation.