Are you in the process of choosing and OB/GYN? Check out these 8 questions that will help you get it...
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In every state, it is illegal to force an abortion on a woman. Rarely, though, are pregnancy decisions made completely separate from any outside influence. We are all influenced by others, even if it’s subtle. That’s why an options consultation is so valuable before an abortion; especially if the reason you are considering an abortion is because the father doesn’t want the baby.
Should you keep the baby? Should you abort? How much weight should his wants place on you? What if you’re not sure you want what he wants? So many questions. It can be a mental game of tug-of-war, can’t it?
This is normally the unspoken inner turmoil. Even though we speak empowered language, like “my body and my choice,” his words linger in the back of our minds. If we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes it’s hard to even know where our thoughts stop and our thoughts plus his thoughts begin.
This is especially true if the father doesn’t want the baby, but you do. Or maybe he knows he doesn’t want the baby, but you’re not sure what you want. He has the right to his thoughts. But in the priorities of life, you have to ask yourself, “Does what he wants matter more than what I want?” And, in this case, “Does what he wants matter more than what I want and the life of my child?”
This last one is a complicated and weighty question. And it’s worth answering.
You understand – and science agrees – this is a life you’re carrying. The laws here in Virginia allow you to end this life – up to a certain point. But the fact that you’re even asking the question about what you should do if the father doesn’t want the baby, means there is a conflict. You don’t see things the way he does. You wouldn’t be asking the question if you did.
So, to clarify what you think (remember, this is your decision), ask yourself this question: “If he wanted the pregnancy, would I even be considering an abortion?”
If the answer is no, then you have clarified your own thoughts. His thoughts are tipping the scale in your mind. His wants are weighing heavier than your wants for this pregnancy.
So, are you willing to give away a life you want so he can have the life he wants? Because ultimately, even if you stay together after an abortion decision, you will still live inside your brain, with your thoughts, beliefs, and values. An abortion decision is final, but it doesn’t erase a pregnancy. You will always have this pregnancy as part of your life.
If the father doesn’t want the baby and he is minimizing your concerns, questions, and values, this is a red flag that should cause you to pause and reflect. It is bigger than just the two of you wanting different outcomes; he is actively trying to increase the weight of his opinion while reducing the weight of yours.
It’s easy to feel the heaviness of his wants when it’s just the two of you. You may not have told anyone else about the pregnancy. If you’re thinking about an abortion, you may plan to never tell anyone else about this pregnancy. If the father doesn’t want the baby, his opinion can be especially loud if he’s the only one you’re allowing to speak.
But it’s not just you and him. You’re not alone in this decision. We’re here.
If you live in the Newport News area in Virginia, we can help. Here at Alcove Health Women’s Clinic, we provide medical services like lab-grade pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, and STI testing. These services help you understand what’s going on inside your body (there’s a lot a home pregnancy test alone can’t tell you) so you can protect your reproductive health.
We also provide advocacy services that allow you to process your pregnancy in a safe space. Throughout every service – every step – we hear you. This is too big of a decision to not have your voice, your thoughts, your concerns, heard.
All of our services are free and confidential, too! So, reach out today to get the services you need from a clinic team that will listen to you. If you’re not in the local area, we can help you find a clinic near you. You’re not alone. Call or click here to contact us today.
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