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He is trying to force an abortion: 4 Questions to Ask

We’re not talking about sacrificing a restaurant or movie choice, we’re talking about you and your pregnancy.

When you hear the slogan, “My body, my choice,” you likely think about the legal right to have an abortion. Right? But what about the legal right to choose not to have an abortion? Wouldn’t that same slogan also affirm that choice? If you had a positive pregnancy test and his every move since has been trying to force an abortion on you, well, you’ve come to the right place.
 
Why, you ask?
 
Because every week we hear women tell their pregnancy stories. And women facing unplanned pregnancies often express feelings of some form of pressure to choose an abortion. It seems to happen more and more often.

In fact, as she tells her story and discusses her options; often the reasons she gives for wanting an abortion boil down to one reason: he wants it. He is the driving force behind her pregnancy decision.

Oh, it may sound different. It may sound something like this: “My boyfriend says he will leave me if I keep the baby” or “He says it will ruin our relationship to have a baby” or “He says he isn’t ready for a baby.”
 
Notice that every sentence focuses on “He“?
 
“But what about you?” I ask each woman. “What do you want?” Sometimes the only reason she has for even considering an abortion is him. She admits she doesn’t want an abortion.
 
But she does want him (or she feels like she needs him). And that’s why there’s a conflict.
 

We tell women the truth: It’s illegal to force an abortion on anyone in any state in the US. It’s also unkind. And not very loving. And hurtful. I could go on, but you get where I’m going. You know it deep in your heart.

You are feeling the conflict because you don’t want an abortion (or you are still unsure about what you want). Otherwise, you’re on the same page as he is, no “forcing” necessary.

Trying to force an abortion doesn’t usually look like someone putting you in a car and forcefully taking you to an abortion clinic to get an abortion (though it could).

It also doesn’t usually look like someone slipping the abortion pill in your food without you knowing (although it may). 

But, if he’s trying to force an abortion by emotional, financial, or spiritual manipulation, hear me: it’s still coercion.
 
Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you’re trying to make a pregnancy decision in a
space where you feel the pressure of someone else trying to force an abortion:

1. Why would an abortion be good for me? If the only answers you come up with involve him and his happiness with you, well that means an abortion would be good for him. And remember, this list is about you – and why an abortion would be good for you.

“But I care about him, and I want him to be happy,” you say. Well, mutual care – a caring relationship where both are respected and valued – means your happiness and safety matter, too.

We’re not talking about sacrificing a restaurant or movie choice, we’re talking about you, your pregnancy, and your pregnancy decision. The stakes are too high to submit to an abortion just because someone else wants you to.

2. Does he have a history with abortion? Has he responded to other pregnancies by trying to force an abortion? I only ask you to consider this because you may realize that abortion is his method of handling a history of unplanned pregnancies; but that doesn’t mean it has to be part of your history.

He may have desensitized himself through repeated abortions; you are not obligated to feel the same way. Just because abortion is his default pregnancy decision, doesn’t mean it has to be yours.

3. If he were out of the picture tomorrow, or next month, or next year, would the decision to abort for him still be one I’m satisfied I made? I ask this because we see women who, years later, still feel bitter they chose abortion solely to help his life. This is often the case even if he is still in the picture.

Considering how you will feel after the abortion is wise. There is always an after.

Will you resent him? Will you have a hard time forgiving yourself for giving in to him on such a big decision about you and your child’s future? Recovering from an abortion isn’t just physical, it’s can also be emotional.

4. What are my reasons for not wanting an abortion? This may be the very best question of all, because these reasons don’t just go away after the abortion.

Do you feel protective over this life – even wanting to protect this life from his/her father? Is being a mother part of your plan? Does abortion conflict with your own values about life? Is his reason for wanting to force an abortion the sole reason why your reasons, your values, your plans, don’t make sense?

Finally, let me tell you that you’re not alone. It feels overwhelming because he may be the only (and loudest) voice in your head.

Here at Alcove Health Women’s Clinic, we want you to have the safe space to turn up the volume of your own voice and speak with people who will hear you as you process your pregnancy decision.

That’s the point of an options consultation. That’s the reason you get to speak to our registered nurse in private. All so you will be heard.

Our advocacy services and our medical services (pregnancy test, ultrasound, and STI testing) are all free and confidential. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Call or click here to schedule your appointment today.

By Sherri, Client Relations Manager

September 10, 2024

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