Pregnant and having reservations about adoption?

One of the common concerns of birth moms who might be considering creating an adoption plan is “How do I know they (the adoptive parents) will be good parents?” It’s a valid a question and one that is well worth answering given the gravity of the possible outcomes. During our options consultations, women often express reservations about adoption.

So, let’s dive in and see what factors might help us get a clearer picture of the motives and qualifications of potential adoptive parents. As an adoptive mom, let me speak from personal experience.

1) Financial

If you’re having reservations about adoption, first let’s consider that adoptive parents are heavily invested in a myriad of ways. The most obvious way is the financial investment that they are required to make. While adopting through the foster care system is significantly less costly, very few infants are available this way. For adoptive parents who are looking for a newborn, this could be a very long wait with only heartbreak at the end.

So, let’s talk more along the lines of a private adoption and what that investment looks like. According to the National Adoption Foundation, “In the case of a newborn, the cost to adopt a child can range from $8,000 to $45,000.” Whoa. So besides being financially invested, it’s fairly safe to assume adoptive parents are also financially stable.

Maybe you’re asking, “Why so much?” And “Where does all that money go?” because it doesn’t go to the birth mom, though some of it may be used to cover some of her expenses. It also covers things like background checks, social worker visits, and specialized adoption training as well as fees set by the adoption agency.

2) Time

Background checks? Social worker visits? Adoption training? Yep, and that leads to another way that adoptive parents are heavily invested – their time. Adoptive parents invest immeasurable amounts of time completing checklists while simultaneously enduring a long season of waiting. Adopting families can wait two to seven years for a healthy infant to become available.

And what are adoptive parents doing while they wait for their precious bundle to arrive? Paperwork. Mounds of it, in duplicate. Background check – check. I remember being fingerprinted three times to complete our adoption.