Talking about sex can feel awkward. Learn 5 ways to discuss consent, boundaries, STI testing, pregnancy, and more with your...
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Have you ever prepared yourself for something to be one of the “hardest things you’ve ever gone through…”, and then when it happens, it’s hard, but not as hard as you expect?”
That’s literally me, especially with wedding planning. I’ve only heard of planning a wedding as a stressful, chaotic, and overwhelming thing. But honestly? It hasn’t felt that way, or at least, not yet. It’s not as hard as you expect. So, when people ask me if it’s “stressful” or “hard,” my answer is “not really” or “not yet.”
And it’s not just that.
Like back in college or school, taking a hard test, thinking, “this is about to be hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure…”, and it ended up being… chill. Definitely not as hard as you expect.
Meanwhile, everyone around you walks out saying, “that test was HARD!”
You just say something like: “yeah…”, but internally you’re thinking, “was it though?” It’s almost like your definition of “hard” doesn’t match everyone else’s.
Is it just me or does it almost feel like a let-down? That the hard thing was not as hard as you expect?
We build it up, prepare for the worst, expect the worst, all to “protect” ourselves from “danger.” It’s like that TikTok trend: “My body doesn’t know the difference between being chased by a bear and making a phone call.”
Is that not the most relatable thing ever? I don’t know if that’s because I’m anxious, I’m in my 20s, or both, but man… I FEEL that!
The problem might be how we define “hard”.
If you’ve ever watched Gilmore Girls, Paris Geller has been my idea of a hard worker. It’s the idea of working nonstop, staying up all night, and driving yourself to exhaustion. That’s what “hard” looks like in my mind.
But something I learned in film school is that what you see isn’t real. It’s an illusion. Look at the image below. Would you say this is a pipe?
It is NOT.
It is an image of a pipe.
What we see in TV and media is an illusion. It’s not reality. It’s a version of reality. The feelings that are being conveyed are overexaggerated for the purpose of telling a story.
Influencers put so much work into creating a feeling, an aesthetic to tell some type of story, but what we see is not reality or even her reality. And these are the people we’re comparing our lives to…
Because of that, we start to assume that everything in life has to feel intense, overwhelming, or extreme to be “real” or “important.” It HAS to be hard. Our expectations of ourselves are SO high, we doubt we even have the ability to meet them.
And that usually leads to one of three things:
For me, it’s usually the third.
Lately, I’ve caught myself worrying about being a bad mom one day. Not because anything is actually wrong, but because I don’t think I can live up to the version of “perfect” I’ve created in my head.
Just because the idea of something sounds hard or overwhelming doesn’t mean that’s how it will actually feel. Sometimes, it’s not as hard as you expect.
I’ve been through hard things that have genuinely challenged, stretched, and shaped me. When I think about the future my default is to think it will be detrimentally hard.
When thinking about being a mom one day, I’ve realized: “Yes, it will probably be hard. But when you think about the hardest moments of your life, maybe not as hard as you expect.” Which gives me a little bit of hope and comfort.
It may be hard, but it doesn’t mean it will be the hardest thing you’ll ever face.
When fear is our driving force, we may end up in a space we regret.
But what happens when we slow down and try to process what we’re thinking?
We may start to see that fear is in the driver seat. That’s when we say, “Oh nooo. You don’t belong there!” That’s when we can start making decisions based on our values and not on what we’re afraid of.
Sometimes getting to that point is hard on our own. We may have no room in our brain to slow down and process things. That’s when it helps to talk it out, with a trusted friend, family member, or someone outside your circle.
That’s what places like Alcove Health Women’s Clinic is for.
Not to tell you what to do.
Not to rush your decision.
But to give you space to process, ask questions, and actually think clearly.
Because clarity comes from information and facts, not just your fear. At Alcove Health, that looks like:
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