Pregnancy and infant loss isn’t your fault, & your grief is valid. Find ways to honor your baby & seek...
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Let’s be honest – choosing to have sex is a very personal decision that can impact you emotionally, mentally, and physically. It can feel like the right choice in the moment but once it’s over, you can be left with second thoughts about whether you should have had sex or not, made worse by worrying about STIs or a positive pregnancy test. So, what do you do if you choose not to have sex?
First, let’s dive into how sex is defined.
Sex isn’t just vaginal intercourse. It includes oral penetration, anal penetration, sexual touching, and anything else that causes sexual arousal. These experiences impact more than your body, but also your brain, emotional wellbeing, and your future relationships.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to connect with people – we’re wired for connection. But having meaningful connections doesn’t have to lead to sex. Despite what current culture, movies, and peers may suggest, hookups can have lasting impacts – and these impacts should be part of your decision before you decide whether to have sex or not.
Something most people are not taught: sex actually rewires your brain. When you have sex, your brain creates new neural pathways, much like it does when you develop new mental habits. Over time, it gets easier to engage in sexual behavior and emotional connections are naturally formed.
So, whether we realize it or not, sex creates a bond. When that sexual relationship ends, it can hurt more than we expected because we also formed an emotional attachment. That emotional bond doesn’t simply go away and can impact our ability to form connections to future partners.
When deciding whether to have sex or not, there is also concern for your physical health. STIs and STDs are very common, and they can be asymptomatic – so you may have them and not even know it!
Sexually transmitted infections or diseases are currently on the rise, especially in the Hampton Roads area. Syphilis is being diagnosed across the US at levels we’ve not seen since 1950. In Virginia, chlamydia is diagnosed more often than cases of the flu. If you’re trying to decide whether or not to have sex, know that the surest way to avoid STIs is to not have sex.
Having sex also means the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy. Nearly half of all pregnancies in the United States are unintended. Birth control can fail and Plan B is only suitable for those who fit their guidelines. Abstinence is the only 100% effective method.
So, if we don’t have sex, what do we do? Ultimately, the choice to have sex is yours – but it should be an informed one. Consider these three things:
Sex is a big decision and one that shouldn’t be made from pressure or curiosity. There is no rush. When you consider whether to have sex or not, take time to understand your values, your emotional needs, and your long-term goals. Your choice should be made with clarity, honesty, and self-respect.
You deserve a relationship that values every part of who you are as a person – not just your body.
If you live in the Hampton Roads area, here are some cost-effective date ideas:
If you’ve had sex and you’re concerned about an unplanned pregnancy or an STI exposure, Alcove Health Women’s Clinic is here for you! We provide lab-grade pregnancy tests, ultrasounds, options consultations and STI testing.
All of our services are free and confidential. Call or visit our appointment page to request your appointment today.
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